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It started when two canine scientists decide to become pen pals in an era of digital media...

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Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts

26 September 2013

A Good Death

A Good Death


Elke (center) and friends
Dear Mia, 

Elke’s passing has given us all pause. Not only is there the missing of who she is -- her apple core eating and play-spinning ways -- but it also makes me examine the purpose of our pen pal blog. Being “real” about dogs and being “science” about dogs are not separate from one another; they are part of the same coin. Maybe that’s obvious, but I’m very happy (if that’s the right word) that you shared Elke’s life and passing here on Do You Believe in Dog?. From the feedback on Facebook, others agree. 

I used to have conversations with my childhood dog, Brandy. We would lie next to one another as if we were girlfriends at a slumber party, and I would explain to her that if she ever died, I would kill her. I wanted her to understand that death wasn’t a viable option for her. She would have to find something else to do when she got old. 

Playing, "Find the real dog" with Brandy
Death is universal. It is not unique or unordinary. We bring companion animals into our lives knowing that there is a finite time we will be together. But what I do think is notable about Elke (and Brandy’s) deaths, is that they were "good" deaths. They didn’t experience prolonged discomfort or drawn out pain and suffering. How animals die is part of end-of-life care, regardless of whether we are talking about companion animals, lab animals or farm animals. This is why, when I heard about the work of Dr. Stephanie LaFarge, I paused and took interest.

Stephanie LaFarge runs the ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline which offers:
  • Assistance with the decision to euthanize. 
  • Comfort and support at the time of euthanasia. 
  • Help with grieving the loss. 
  • Advice on dealing with children, the elderly or disabled individuals who are facing a death of a companion animal. 
  • Helping the surviving animals in the household to cope.
  • Assistance in establishing a relationship with a new pet. 
The first area, “Assistance with the decision to euthanize” is incredibly important. They explain: Coping with the impending loss of a pet is one of the most difficult experiences a pet parent will face. Whether your furry friend is approaching his golden years or has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, it’s important to calmly guide the end-of-life experience and minimize any discomfort or distress.” 

(Source)
Nowadays, it can be possible to extend a loved pet's life, which can be awesome! But sometimes the question becomes, "Are there any costs? Are we minimizing discomfort and distress?" 

There is nothing easy about end-of-life decisions, but a good death is as important as a good life.
  
Big hugs, 

Julie 


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23 September 2013

Pet loss, grief and bereavement: Resources

Pet loss, grief and bereavement: Resources


(source)
When Dogs Die: Resources

We have been overwhelmed by the response of the Do You Believe in Dog? community to the death of Mia's dog, Elke. It's obvious this has struck a chord because so many people can relate to this emotional time of losing a much loved canine companion. 

Thank you all for your messages of sympathy and support. 

We decided to compile some resources to help you, or a friend, prepare for and cope with this difficult (and inevitable) part of sharing our lives with dogs.

Understanding Grief: The Australian centre for grief and bereavement offer excellent information on their website. We have included some key excerpts and links.

About Grief
Suggestions to help you get through this difficult time: 
  • Create a memorial - do or make something to honour your loved one.
  • Develop your own rituals - light a candle, listen to special music, make a special place to think.
  • Allowing yourself to express your thoughts and feelings privately can help. Write a letter or a poem (or a blog post!), draw, collect photos, cry.
  • Exercise - do something to use pent-up energy, walk, swim, garden, chop wood.
  • Draw on religious and spiritual beliefs, if this is helpful.
  • Read about other people's experience - find books and articles.
  • Do things that are relaxing and soothing.
  • Some holistic or self care ideas that may assist include meditation, distractions, relaxation, massage, aromatherapy and warmth.
  • To help with sleeplessness: exercise, limit alcohol, eat well before sleeping, and try to have a routine.
(source)
Sharing with other people can reduce the sense of isolation and aloneness that comes with grief.

  • Allow people to help you, don't be embarrassed to accept their help. You will be able to help someone else at another time. It is your turn now. 
  • Talk to family and friends; sharing memories and stories, thoughts and feelings can be comforting and strengthen our connection with our loved one. 
  • Consider joining a support group to share with others who have had similar experiences.
  • Talk with a counsellor to focus on your unique situation, to find support and comfort, and to find other ways to manage, especially when either your life or your grief seems to be complicated and particularly difficult. 
Advice from the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement:
 
Explaining Death to Children:


Fact Sheets and Support Services:

Our journeys with dogs are incredibly personal. End-of-life feelings and decisions can have similar elements. We hope these resources prove useful.

Mia and Julie

Further reading:
Fuhr N. & Ruthven I. (2012) Grieving online: the use of search engines in times of grief and bereavement, Proceedings of the 4th Information Interaction in Context Symposium, 120. DOI:

Planchon L.A. & Templer D.I. (1996). The Correlates of Grief after Death of Pet, Anthrozoos: A Multidisciplinary Journal of The Interactions of People & Animals, 9 (2) 107-113. DOI:

Packman W., Field N.P., Carmack B.J. & Ronen R. (2011). Continuing Bonds and Psychosocial Adjustment in Pet Loss, Journal of Loss and Trauma, 16 (4) 341-357. DOI:

© 2013 | Do You Believe in Dog?
Things that make me cry #782: what do I do with my apple cores now?

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